Post by darkstar3 on Jun 12, 2011 18:04:26 GMT
NETSLAVE
Undertakers Of The New Economy
Wednesday May 23 2001
Jim Morrison, Net CEO
By: Bill Lessard
Jim Morrison, would’ve made a great Net CEO. He had the looks, he was pretentious, he knew how to bullshit the media. Following is a fictional account of this thesis, cooked up the other night while Baldwin and I were tossing back a few.
1998: Recent UCLA film grad Jim Morrison runs into economics major Ray Manzarek on Venice Beach, CA.
MANZAREK: “Hey man, I thought you were going back to NY?”
MORRISON: “Hah, New York is dead. I decided to stay here in the West. The West is best, you know what I’m saying?”
MANZAREK: “So what’ve you been doing with yourself?”
MORRISON: “My father sent me a computer a few weeks ago. And since then, I’ve been tripping out on HTML. You know, I really think there’s something to this whole internet thing.”
MANZAREK: “html? Wow, I didn’t think you could even turn a computer on. I didn’t know you were into that whole capitalist trip.”
MORRISON: “You’ve got to open the doors of your perception. A revolution is happening. And it’s all about the 3 C’s.”
MANZAREK: “The 3 C’s?”
MORRISON: “Content, community, and commerce. For everyone. A digital revolution, a software parade.”
MANZAREK: “Content, community and commerce. Wow, that’s it, man.”
January 1999: Perception Technology receives 100 million in funding from Benchmark Capital, Intel and Kleiner Perkins. Although no one is exactly sure what the company does, the industry goes nuts fro the company’s dynamic young CEO who is fond of saying, “All rules are meaningless. This is the end.”
March 1999: Perception Technology launches an aggressive ad campaign whose tagline, “Break On Through To The Other Side” becomes the mantra of every digital hipster from San Jose to SoHo.
April 1999: Morrison, along with CFO Manzarek, go on a 20 city media tour to raise brand awareness. In NYC, Morrison is feted by Josh Harris who gives him a golden cell phone at one of his infamous parties. Morrison snipes, “You guys are just a bunch of CBS wannabes” and proceeds to hand the cell phone to a passing homeless man.
June 1999: Morrison appears on the cover of FastCompany magazine. The header reads, “Perception Is Everything.”
August 1999: Perception Technology receives another 100 million in venture capital, although they are yet to release a product or even a product description.
October 1999: Perception files to go public. In addition to quotes from William Blake, Morrison’s favorite poet, the S-1 contains the phrase, “We want the world and we want it NOW!”
March 1999: A visibly intoxicated Morrison insults several industry analysts, among them Henry Blodget, during a New York leg of the roadshow. He is jailed later that night after punching Jason McCabe Calacanis in the face outside of Nobu. Although this would’ve been enough to kill most companies, the buzz surrounding the Perception Technology IPO only gets stronger.
April 1999: Perception goes public, rocketing to the top of the charts, and closing out the day at a mind-altering 350 per share.
September 1999: Henry Blodget rates Perception a “Very Strong Buy” and sets a 600 price target.
February 2000: Perception’s stock top 700 per share.
April 2000: Perception begins falling hard, like the rest of the market. Investors scream for profitability and a product. Manzarek goes into spin mode. “Jim isn’t a showman. He’s a business shaman.”
September 2000: Perception closes under a dollar. Rumors about the company’s delisting and massive layoffs appear on FuckedCompany.
February 2 2001: At an industry conference in Miami, a ridiculously drunk Morrison exposes himself in a crowd of analysis and tastemakers, among them CNBC’s Maria Bartirmomo. A transcript of his remarks appears in the New York Times the next day. The pull-quote: “You want a public offering? I’ll give you a public offering!”
February 3, 2001: Perception Technology is delisted. The SEC files suit against the company. Morrison has no comment. In fact, it is rumored that Morrison is out of the country and wasn’t available for comment.
May 2001: Morrison is last seen in Paris. His current whereabouts are unknown. Manzarek sells Perception’s remaining assets to MindMover.com an ECRM integrator.
www.netslaves.com/comments/990603444.shtml
Undertakers Of The New Economy
Wednesday May 23 2001
Jim Morrison, Net CEO
By: Bill Lessard
Jim Morrison, would’ve made a great Net CEO. He had the looks, he was pretentious, he knew how to bullshit the media. Following is a fictional account of this thesis, cooked up the other night while Baldwin and I were tossing back a few.
1998: Recent UCLA film grad Jim Morrison runs into economics major Ray Manzarek on Venice Beach, CA.
MANZAREK: “Hey man, I thought you were going back to NY?”
MORRISON: “Hah, New York is dead. I decided to stay here in the West. The West is best, you know what I’m saying?”
MANZAREK: “So what’ve you been doing with yourself?”
MORRISON: “My father sent me a computer a few weeks ago. And since then, I’ve been tripping out on HTML. You know, I really think there’s something to this whole internet thing.”
MANZAREK: “html? Wow, I didn’t think you could even turn a computer on. I didn’t know you were into that whole capitalist trip.”
MORRISON: “You’ve got to open the doors of your perception. A revolution is happening. And it’s all about the 3 C’s.”
MANZAREK: “The 3 C’s?”
MORRISON: “Content, community, and commerce. For everyone. A digital revolution, a software parade.”
MANZAREK: “Content, community and commerce. Wow, that’s it, man.”
January 1999: Perception Technology receives 100 million in funding from Benchmark Capital, Intel and Kleiner Perkins. Although no one is exactly sure what the company does, the industry goes nuts fro the company’s dynamic young CEO who is fond of saying, “All rules are meaningless. This is the end.”
March 1999: Perception Technology launches an aggressive ad campaign whose tagline, “Break On Through To The Other Side” becomes the mantra of every digital hipster from San Jose to SoHo.
April 1999: Morrison, along with CFO Manzarek, go on a 20 city media tour to raise brand awareness. In NYC, Morrison is feted by Josh Harris who gives him a golden cell phone at one of his infamous parties. Morrison snipes, “You guys are just a bunch of CBS wannabes” and proceeds to hand the cell phone to a passing homeless man.
June 1999: Morrison appears on the cover of FastCompany magazine. The header reads, “Perception Is Everything.”
August 1999: Perception Technology receives another 100 million in venture capital, although they are yet to release a product or even a product description.
October 1999: Perception files to go public. In addition to quotes from William Blake, Morrison’s favorite poet, the S-1 contains the phrase, “We want the world and we want it NOW!”
March 1999: A visibly intoxicated Morrison insults several industry analysts, among them Henry Blodget, during a New York leg of the roadshow. He is jailed later that night after punching Jason McCabe Calacanis in the face outside of Nobu. Although this would’ve been enough to kill most companies, the buzz surrounding the Perception Technology IPO only gets stronger.
April 1999: Perception goes public, rocketing to the top of the charts, and closing out the day at a mind-altering 350 per share.
September 1999: Henry Blodget rates Perception a “Very Strong Buy” and sets a 600 price target.
February 2000: Perception’s stock top 700 per share.
April 2000: Perception begins falling hard, like the rest of the market. Investors scream for profitability and a product. Manzarek goes into spin mode. “Jim isn’t a showman. He’s a business shaman.”
September 2000: Perception closes under a dollar. Rumors about the company’s delisting and massive layoffs appear on FuckedCompany.
February 2 2001: At an industry conference in Miami, a ridiculously drunk Morrison exposes himself in a crowd of analysis and tastemakers, among them CNBC’s Maria Bartirmomo. A transcript of his remarks appears in the New York Times the next day. The pull-quote: “You want a public offering? I’ll give you a public offering!”
February 3, 2001: Perception Technology is delisted. The SEC files suit against the company. Morrison has no comment. In fact, it is rumored that Morrison is out of the country and wasn’t available for comment.
May 2001: Morrison is last seen in Paris. His current whereabouts are unknown. Manzarek sells Perception’s remaining assets to MindMover.com an ECRM integrator.
www.netslaves.com/comments/990603444.shtml